I have not ever fully understood the Holy Spirit. I’ve read the scripture a million times.
Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send him unto you. -John 16:7
I have always believed that God has a distinct, special and intimate plan for my life. As I described in an early post and how most of my closest friends and family know, I have a very difficult time understanding and believing things outside of my grasp. The idea of forever is a taunting thought for me. But because I have experienced the amazing love of Christ, I can trust his grasp of subject I cannot even attempt to grasp.
I have had the same best friend for twenty years. She has been by my side through everything. College really is a horrible thing when it comes to separating relationships. She went to Chattanooga, and I went to Tuscaloosa. Two hours and fifty-nine minutes apart according to Google maps. That’s not how I imagined college. College is supposed to be a place with all your friends. You’re supposed to experience things you have never before experienced and never will experience again. My best friend is three hours away. It is impossible for her to experience all of these experiences with me. And I with her.
In all honesty, I was jealous of the new friends she made at UTC. The pictures. The parties. The fun they experienced with her that I couldn’t possibly experience unless I transferred. I could not understand why God would separate me from my best friend for five of the most important years of each of our lives. Why would He do such a thing to a friendship that has withstood eighteen years of fights, breakups, high school drama, wrecks, trouble and all the other things we did. How does that seem beneficial to us. How could it be beneficial. I know it happens to everyone at some point in their life, but why us? We had it planned out. We were both going to move to NYC. We were going to live the life we had always dreamed and talked about as kids. We were going to defeat that impossible. We were going to beat the road block that everyone hits with their childhood friendships the day they graduate high school. And we, in a way, didn’t. We were separated. She is supposed to be at UTC, just like I am supposed to be at UA. God has a plan and this was it.
And this morning, about 1 AM, I realized why God would separate me from my best friend. And He ultimately illustrated John 16:7 to me.
My best friend had to go to UTC because she had to build a life. She had to get an education and that was where she had to get it. And other reasons continue to develop everyday. She had to go away. But God sent her to UTC for her. And separated her from me for both of us. She met some amazing girls. She was matched with the perfect roommate that would help her through college, her first real break-up, chemistry exams and the unknown of college. God immediately gave her a comforter. Someone not to replace me but to be her best friend when I couldn’t be.
But God has a really funny way of teaching me things because I am a very, very stubborn person. So He made me wait and search and experience loneliness and separation. Experience what it’s like to walk into a formal party without a date and without a friend and meet people. He made me rely on myself and ultimately HIM in order to find my comforter. But God always comes through with what is promised.
I rushed a sorority thinking that is what God wanted me to do. He wanted me to rush, receive a bid, be elected pledge president and nearly destroy the whole pledge semester so that I could meet the person that was going to be my best friend when my best friend couldn’t be here. He not only sent me one comforter, but he sent me two. Two girls I can go and enjoy midnight sushi with. Two girls that have been through so much but yet both of them have this positive joy about them that radiates. You cannot help but be happy around them.
I’m so happy that my God understands my weirdness. He understands that my mind can grasp calculus and chemistry and psychology but cannot grasp a simple verse I’ve heard since I was barely walking. He understands sometimes we need real-life illustrations so that we can understand how His plan ultimately works.
So thank you Caulyn for being the best friend that I can never replace. Thank you Hannah Burton for being the best friend to Caulyn that I can’t be right now. And thank you Taylor and Amanda for being the best friends I’ve needed so much during the past semester.